THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
