This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i drank out of a bidet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
