We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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