1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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