Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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