Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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