I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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