well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
