They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
