Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
