and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
