so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pappa wants mamma naked
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
