Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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