Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
