Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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