I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
