I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
