I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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