Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we have pet lesbian snakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
