idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my phone needs a breathalizer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
