The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
