College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
