I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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