Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
