Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize