ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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