Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize