We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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