I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
