I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
