someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
