Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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