I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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