upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
