dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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