I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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