you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
