It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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