pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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