Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
