I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just threw up on my dentist
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
