i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
