Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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