What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
