i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
