i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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