She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
