I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
