So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you traded sex for a burrito?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
