I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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I queefed so loud it echoed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...