I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
