I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
