who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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