New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
