tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
