I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
