She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
