6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
