He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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