WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
