he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
