My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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