I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
