I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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