just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
