College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
