Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
