He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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