he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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