I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
