For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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