If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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