hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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