did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
