I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
