I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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