Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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