You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
