you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
