I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
