Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
