The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
